I have no patience for my ADHD child: what to do when you’re at breaking point

Let’s be real.

If you've just typed something like "i have no patience for my adhd child" into Google at 11:43pm, phone in one hand and guilt curling up in your gut—you’re not alone. Parenting a child with ADHD is relentless. It’s loud, chaotic, emotional, and exhausting. The intense feelings of frustration, guilt, and even helplessness can be overwhelming at times. And when your own tank is empty, patience isn’t just hard. It feels impossible.

I want to start by saying this clearly: You are not a bad parent.

You’re a parent who’s worn out, maybe heartbroken, probably feeling like you’re doing everything and nothing is working. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed in these circumstances. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. And that’s exactly why this guide exists—to give you something real. Not fluffy affirmations. Not judgement. Just grounded support and practical steps to help you deal with the challenges of parenting a child with ADHD.

Understanding ADHD (why it’s not just “bad behaviour”)

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child’s outbursts or inability to focus are just “bad behavior,” you’re not alone. Many parents worry that their child’s ADHD behaviors are a reflection of poor parenting or a lack of discipline. But the truth is, ADHD is a neurological condition—one that affects brain activity, impulse control, and the way your child experiences the world.

ADHD symptoms like inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity aren’t choices your child is making to frustrate you. The behaviors related to ADHD are a result of neurological differences, not deliberate actions. They’re signs of how their brain is wired. Recognising this can be a game-changer for both you and your child. When you understand that these behaviors are rooted in brain function—not willful defiance—it becomes easier to respond with patience and compassion, rather than anger or guilt.

This shift in perspective allows you to focus on strategies that actually support your child’s needs, rather than trying to “fix” behaviors that are out of their control. By approaching ADHD as a neurological condition, you can develop more effective parenting strategies, reduce frustration, and create a more supportive environment for your child to thrive.

Why you're at breaking point (and why it's not your fault)

Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel like trying to build IKEA furniture with no manual, missing screws, and someone yelling at you the whole time. It’s not just the behaviours. It’s the constant decision-making, advocating, appointments, emails from school, and second-guessing every reaction you have. High stress levels can make it even harder to maintain patience and respond calmly in these situations.

Here are some things we hear often in our clinic:

• “I lose my temper more than I want to.”

• “I dread school mornings.”

• “I love my kid, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”

• “The guilt is eating me alive.”

Recognising triggers is a crucial step in managing emotional responses and improving communication with your child.

ADHD isn’t just about hyperactivity or poor impulse control. It can come with emotional outbursts, defiance, sensory issues, executive function challenges, and zero predictability.

That means:

• Your child may not respond to standard parenting advice.

• You might be grieving the idea of parenting being easier than this.

• And if you have ADHD too? That’s double the executive function load.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about capacity. And if your brain and nervous system are constantly running on empty, of course you’re going to snap.

What it looks like (and why it hurts so much)

Let’s paint the picture:

• Your child is melting down over brushing their teeth.

• You’re already late for work.

• They’ve kicked the dog, thrown their school bag, and called you the worst parent in the world—these are examples of a child’s behaviors influenced by ADHD, not intentional misbehavior.

• You lose it. The intense emotions—frustration, anger, exhaustion—rise up in response to your child’s behaviors. You shout. Maybe you slam a door. Maybe you cry in the laundry and wonder if you’re cut out for this at all.

A child's behavior, shaped by ADHD, can significantly impact parenting strategies and the overall family dynamic, often requiring adjustments in routines and communication to create a supportive environment.

And then comes the guilt. That gut-punch of, “Why can’t I just keep it together?”

But here’s the thing: Even the best parent will hit their limit when their needs go unmet for too long.

This isn’t about never getting frustrated. It’s about knowing how to recover, how to reduce those daily explosions, and how to ask for support before it all unravels.

Building a supportive environment (making home a safe harbor)

Creating a supportive environment at home is one of the most powerful ways you can help your child with ADHD feel safe, understood, and capable. Children with ADHD often experience the world as unpredictable and overwhelming, which can increase anxiety and exacerbate ADHD symptoms. By making your home life more structured and emotionally supportive, you give your child the foundation they need to develop self-regulation and impulse control.

Start with simple routines—consistent wake-up times, regular meals, and predictable bedtime rituals. These routines help reduce stress and give your child a sense of security, making it easier for them to manage their emotions and behaviors. Set clear expectations for behavior, but keep them realistic and age-appropriate. When your child knows what to expect, it’s easier for them to practice good behavior and build self-confidence.

Emotional support is just as important as structure. Let your child know that it’s okay to have big feelings, and that you’re there to help them work through tough moments. When negative behaviors happen, try to respond with empathy and calm, rather than punishment—this helps your child feel safe enough to learn from their mistakes. Over time, a supportive environment can help reduce anxiety, encourage positive coping strategies, and make home a true safe harbor for both you and your child.

What to do in the moment (when you’re at boiling point)

When you feel the anger rising and your nervous system is about to flip its lid, try these quick circuit breakers. Grounding techniques can help parents stay present and manage their emotions in the heat of the moment. A child's difficulty staying focused or regulated, especially due to neurological differences like ADHD, can make these moments more challenging.

1. The 3-second reset

• Literally stop. Breathe in for 3. Hold for 3. Out for 3.Note: This exercise is about focusing your attention on your breath and physical sensations to regain control.

• Anchor yourself physically (touch a wall, hold your own hands).

• Say in your head: “They’re not giving me a hard time. They’re having a hard time.”

2. Tag out (if possible)

• If another adult is around, swap out.

• If not, create distance: Step into the bathroom. Shut your eyes. Let them be loud for a minute.

3. One safe line

• Have a go-to phrase you can use instead of shouting.

  • "I’m not okay right now. I’m going to take a breath."

  • "We’re both upset. Let’s hit pause."

Positive parenting techniques (tools that actually work)

When it comes to managing ADHD behaviors, positive parenting techniques can make all the difference. Instead of focusing on what your child is doing wrong, these strategies help you encourage good behavior and build your child’s self-confidence. Positive reinforcement—like specific praise, small rewards, or extra privileges—can motivate children with ADHD to repeat positive actions and develop a stronger sense of self-esteem.

Setting clear boundaries is another key tool. Let your child know exactly what’s expected, and follow through with consistent, fair consequences when those boundaries are crossed. This isn’t about being harsh—it’s about giving your child the structure they need to feel secure and learn self-control. Behavioral therapy can also be a game-changer, offering targeted support for specific challenges like time management, focus, and impulse control.

Remember, positive parenting isn’t just for your child—it helps you, too. When you focus on what’s working, you’ll notice your own stress levels drop, and your home environment becomes more supportive and loving. These techniques aren’t about perfection; they’re about progress, connection, and helping both you and your child thrive.

What to do longer term (when the days blur together)

You can’t white-knuckle your way through years of this. Long-term support is what changes the game. Breaking down challenges into manageable steps can make progress more achievable, and finding the right strategies for your family is essential. Here are options to consider, with a focus on supporting both the child and the parent over the long term to provide support for families dealing with ADHD: Understanding and managing your child's ADHD often requires collaboration with educators and healthcare providers to ensure the best resources, support, and professional guidance are available.

1. Parent coaching or therapy

At Reimagine, we support both kids and parents. Because sometimes the best way to help your child is to help you regulate, reflect, and reset. Seeking professional help can provide valuable coping strategies, strengthen parent-child relationships, reduce stress, and offer targeted treatment for both children and parents. A few sessions with someone who “gets it” can change everything.

2. Reframing expectations

• Neurodivergent kids often need different goals.

• For children with ADHD, reframing expectations is especially important, as their needs and abilities may differ from neurotypical peers.

• Instead of “getting ready on time,” maybe the goal is “less yelling during mornings.”

• Instead of “sit still for dinner,” maybe it’s “stay at the table for 5 minutes.”

It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about making it realistic, so you and your child can feel wins again.

3. Create reset rituals

• After school = no questions for 20 minutes.

• Mornings = calming music instead of rushed commands.

• Bedtime = two-minute check-in, even if the day was chaos.

Reset rituals like these can improve home life for families with ADHD, making daily routines smoother and relationships stronger.

Consistency is hard with ADHD. But little rituals? They can become lifelines.

Managing stress (for when you’re running on empty)

Let’s be honest: parenting a child with ADHD can push anyone to their limits. Managing stress isn’t just a nice idea—it’s essential for maintaining patience and providing the support your child needs. When your stress levels are high, it’s harder to respond calmly to challenging behaviors, and everyone’s well-being can suffer.

Start by giving yourself permission to take breaks. Even a few minutes of deep breathing, a short walk, or a quiet cup of tea can help reset your nervous system. Mindfulness practices, like focusing on your breath or grounding yourself in the present moment, can make a big difference when emotions are running high.

You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to other parents, join support groups, or talk to a professional for valuable advice and emotional support. Sometimes just knowing you’re not the only one struggling can lighten the load. By managing your own stress, you create a more supportive environment for your child, reduce the intensity of ADHD symptoms at home, and make it easier to maintain patience—even on the hardest days.

Collaborating with your child’s teacher

One of the most powerful tools in ADHD parenting is building a strong partnership with your child’s teacher. School can be a challenging environment for a child with ADHD, but when parents and teachers work together, it’s possible to create a supportive environment that helps your child succeed.

Start by opening up regular communication with your child’s teacher. Collaborating with your child's teacher to set clear goals and create a supportive environment is essential for addressing both behavioral and academic needs. Share insights about your child’s strengths, triggers, and what strategies work at home. Ask about what’s happening in the classroom and be open to feedback. Together, you can develop individualised plans—like extra time for assignments or movement breaks—that make a real difference.

Positive reinforcement is key. When teachers and parents celebrate good behavior and small wins, it boosts your child’s self-confidence and encourages self regulation. By working as a team, you help your child feel understood and supported, both at home and at school. This collaboration not only helps manage ADHD behaviors but also sets your child up for long-term success.

Working with healthcare providers

Managing ADHD symptoms is rarely a solo journey. Healthcare providers play a crucial role in helping both you and your child navigate the unique challenges of ADHD parenting. Whether it’s a pediatrician, psychologist, or behavioral therapist, these professionals can help you develop a comprehensive plan that might include behavioral therapy, medication, or lifestyle adjustments.

Healthcare providers offer more than just treatment—they provide valuable advice on coping strategies, ways to reduce stress, and how to maintain patience when things get tough. They can also connect you with support groups, where you can meet other parents who truly understand what you’re going through. These connections offer emotional support and practical tips that can make daily life more manageable.

By working closely with healthcare providers, you ensure your child receives the best possible care and support. And just as importantly, you build a network that helps you manage stress, maintain your own well being, and feel less alone on this journey.

What if I have ADHD too?

This is more common than you think. Many of the parents we see at Reimagine are also navigating their own neurodivergence—sometimes undiagnosed.

If you:

• Feel overstimulated easily

• Have your own struggles with time, planning, emotional regulation

• Find it hard to follow through on routines…

It might be worth exploring your own needs too. Self-awareness doesn’t just make you a better parent. It makes your day-to-day feel less like a constant sprint. Practicing self care is essential for parents with ADHD, as it helps manage stress, build emotional resilience, and maintain your well-being.

We often say: support for the parent is support for the child.

And no, you don’t have to figure all this out perfectly. ADHD isn’t about being consistent all the time—it’s about finding ways to bounce back when things go sideways. Which, let’s be honest, is most days.

Self-care for parents (refilling your cup)

If you’re running on empty, it’s impossible to pour into your child. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival, especially when you’re parenting a child with ADHD. Prioritising your own well-being helps you manage stress, maintain patience, and show up as the parent your child needs.

Self-care can look different for everyone. Maybe it’s a regular walk, a favorite hobby, or a few minutes of meditation each day. Connecting with friends, getting enough sleep, and eating balanced meals can all help reduce stress and anxiety. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help—therapy or counseling can provide valuable strategies for managing ADHD behaviors and improving your relationship with your child.

When you take care of yourself, you’re modeling healthy coping strategies and self-regulation for your child. You’ll find it easier to focus, respond with patience, and create a more loving, supportive home environment. Remember: your well-being matters, and investing in yourself is one of the best ways to support your child’s journey with ADHD.

When to seek more support

If you’re wondering whether it’s time to reach out for help—it probably is. You don’t need to wait until things are falling apart to benefit from support.

Here are a few signs:

• You’re yelling more than you’re talking

• Your child’s behaviour is straining family relationships

• School mornings feel like daily trauma

• You dread the weekends

• You’re losing sleep, crying often, or avoiding time with your child

Support can look different for every family. Maybe it’s seeing a psychologist. Maybe it’s joining a neurodivergent parent support group. Maybe it’s finally telling your GP, “I’m not okay.” It’s important to make sure you and your child have enough support, as this can make a significant difference in managing ADHD. Ongoing challenges with ADHD can contribute to low self esteem in children, affecting their confidence and emotional well-being, and may lead to difficulties in school, social relationships, and family dynamics. There are many resources available for families, including online communities, educational materials, and local organisations dedicated to ADHD support.

There’s no prize for doing it all alone. Getting help isn’t a failure. It’s a courageous move toward something better. Seeking professional support, such as therapy or counselling, can be especially valuable when facing complex challenges or when you need expert guidance for your family.

And at Reimagine, we make it easier—we help parents with referrals, paperwork, school letters, and the emotional fallout of years of “just holding it together.”

You deserve more than survival mode.

How we can help (without the fluff)

At Reimagine Psychology Melbourne, we work with families where ADHD is a daily reality. Our team, including Alec Smith, isn’t here to give you a sticker chart and send you off. We offer:

• Parent support (including those who have ADHD themselves)

• Support parenting, with collaboration and guidance for parents, including working with teachers, healthcare providers, and support groups

• Behavior therapy as a key intervention for managing ADHD symptoms, using techniques like reward systems, setting boundaries, and involving parents and schools

• Practical behavioural strategies

• School advocacy support

• A safe space to say, “I’m struggling,” including challenges related to ADHD masking

We also know that trust matters. Austin and I have lived this—we’re not waving a clipboard from the sidelines.

Give yourself permission

Here’s the hard truth: No amount of parenting hacks will help if you’re completely burnt out. And no child will benefit from a parent who’s always on the edge.

So let’s start small:

• Can you forgive yourself for the yelling today?

• Can you take 15 minutes alone without guilt?

• Can you text a friend or book that first appointment?

Progress isn’t linear. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But you’re allowed to start.

Final word (from one ADHD parent to another)

Some days, it feels like the house is on fire, the dog is barking, and no one will put on their shoes. It’s chaos. And in the middle of it, you’re supposed to be calm, patient, and wise.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up—imperfect, messy, human.

Let us help make that a little easier.

Disclaimer: This information is general in nature and does not replace personalised advice from a qualified health professional.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, we’re here to support both you and your child. Learn more or get in touch at Reimagine Psychology Melbourne.